(A)Musings: Bill Clinton

("If she makes me her Vice President we'll never be able to take the same plane, and I'll get to spend 200 nights a year in an undisclosed location... Dang!)
share on: facebook

Department of Good Christians: Patti LaBelle

Jennifer Hudson? Who dat? Miss Thing better sit and have a chat with a genuine Christian before running her mouth again.

45 years Patti's been on our side, which puts her right up there with Elizabeth Taylor, Bette Midler, and Cher in my estimation.

Keep on keeping on Lady Marmalade. The rest of these two-a-penny "divas" are just trying to come up in your glowing light.
share on: facebook

A Blogger's Conundrum

I'm never certain if I should send people whom I've profiled on here the link to my site, or just let my readers find me organically. What, if any, is the consensus of opinion among my readers?

Most bloggers, of course, are utter whores. How I envy them. They market the heck out of themselves, and seem to have the readership to prove it. Ah, but what of their souls?

I'm convinced most people could live a nice, tidy life without one. I see evidence of it everywhere, especially in the blogosphere.

There's no brown-noser better than me, mainly because I'm utterly sincere whenever I do it. I didn't just write what I wrote about Alison Bechdel because her publisher sent me a free copy and I'm eager to keep that gravy train pulling up to my station; I bought it with my own damn money because I like her work.

This is the contradiction that rules my life: I'm half Auntie Mame and half anti-social. Lately, the anti-social half is winning. Of course, that could just be marijuana withdrawal.

Some days (days like today) it feels like it'll be easier getting the troops out of Iraq than getting the THC out of my blood. Detox, bless it, seems like a breeze compared to building (not to mention keeping) a readership.

Maybe, just maybe, the day will come when Auntie Mame returns, and kicks anti-social to the curb. In the meantime it's back to work.
share on: facebook

Required Reading: Alison Bechdel's "Fun Home"

This story from Gawker reminded me of the tour-de-force artistic achievement that is "Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic", a book which should be required reading in schools for its lucid presentation of the effects of homophobia, both external and internal varieties. That it presents its powerful themes in such an accessible medium is enough to make an old cynic like me weep that maybe there's hope for humans as a species yet.

The book came out early in the autumn publishing cycle last year, and received raves from all and sundry (I mean, even People). In the interest of keeping it in the public eye a little longer, I've decided to use any excuse I can find to feature it here.

Also, I've lately been feeling that the lesbian content of my life is not being accurately reflected in the lesbian content of my blog. So it's win-win really.

Bechdel is also the mastermind behind the byzantine, long-lived comic "Dykes To Watch Out For" of course, which is visually dazzling, loaded with detail, and alive with topicality - practically a pop culture trifecta. I certainly have learned a lot from it, especially when it comes to lesbian transphobia and that eternal mystery (at least to me) known as female sexuality.

I, as a mere male, must admit hasn't always been easy for me to follow the plot. (Wait! Who's Sparrow again?) I find, though, that I'm able to take each strip on it's own terms, and failing that, there's also her nifty website and blog to bring me up to speed.

Being a writer I can't help but be moved by Bechdel's desire to be ethical in telling a story that is not only hers, and the angst she feels over the impact the book has had on her mother. Hopefully, when the time comes to spill the beans on myself I'll be as compassionate as she is here. Bechdel's own words on the subject appear inSlate, and are well worth the read.
share on: facebook

Merci Beaucoup (et Sacre Merde)

Tonight in Quebec a Liberal minority government was elected, with the balance of power held by the federalist Action Democratique du Quebec.

It's not really a reason to celebrate with abandon, because the ADQ are basically Tories, but it does send the separatists into third place provincially and postpone our national nightmare for another couple of years anyway. Jean Charest, the incumbent "Liberal" premier, was a Tory federally, so he should at least be able to play ball with the ADQ. And as for Andre Boisclair, why not go drown yourself in an eightball you pretty-boy piece of shit? Chalice...

Okay. I'm better now.

[S O U R C E]
share on: facebook

National Heinous Day

It seems like it was just National Heinous Day last week. You know what? I think it was just last week.

Leave it to the heinous to be so heinous they can't even contain their heinosity to a single day but force it upon us whenever the mood strikes. A single day I could handle. This is like having Valentine's Day every week.

Partly it's because I'm looking for work, and nothing eats a soul like job hunting. I also didn't sleep well last night, which never makes Daddy happy, and on top of it all about 9 pm it occurred to me that all I had to eat today was a can of root beer. Every other terrible thing that happened today can be traced to any one of these causes.

The silver lining is that the day after Heinous Day is usually pretty good, mainly because it's no longer Heinous Day. I think the next time it's Heinous Day I'll just live in hope of the better day to come. Oh yeah, and not leave the house.
share on: facebook

Falling In Love Again

A couple of weeks ago I was walking past Chapters, doing my level best not to go in and spend all of my rent money, when a familiar face beckoned to me from a shelf inside. It was the face above, a face known to a few of you no doubt, which was at one time one of the most familiar faces in the world, and for a good reason.

The fact that the large, lush book it accompanied was remaindered at $14.99 made the sale even before I'd gotten to the front door. Retail therapy, even to the extent I practice it, is still cheaper than psychiatry. At least, that's what I usually tell myself as I find myself in a queue clutching some new treasure. I doubt there's any collection of ephemera anywhere as loved as the one held here at the Pop Culture Institute.

When I was a young homo I was drawn irrevocably to the movies, to the gods and goddesses the medium created back in the day before telephoto lenses could show us every zit on their asses, when the movie studios enforced their oligarchy with liberal helpings of mythmaking and the stars themselves played along, because when you get right down to it, it's nice to be admired.

The book, published in England, is lavish and contains glimpses into Marlene Dietrich's life which were unfamiliar even to me. I kept it beside my bed, and so every day for a week this is how I dragged myself into full consciousness. A couple of evenings that week I took out one of her movies and was then lulled back into unconsciousness by the voice and the face that made her a legend.

In the relentless pursuit of the new, there's something very gratifying about rediscovering something (or someone) I'd once spent countless hours studying. Besides which, what a smart rebuke it was to my own arrogance; I, who thought I knew all there was to know about her, brought up short by the unknowable enigma of the immortal Dietrich.
share on: facebook

Happy 400th Post!

It scarcely seems possible, but the accelerated pace at which I've been posting means there's another one of these milestones every couple of weeks or so.

The greatest challenge in these posts is finding a suitable image to accompany it. Too obscure and I run the risk of alienating readers, too obvious and I run the risk of being myself. I love the obscure, though I tend to be the obvious; which is just another one of those adorable contradictions that comprises me, I guess.

I ran across this charming piece of grafitti in the course of my day job, took it's picture knowing that my 400th post was fast approaching, but never thought of it in those terms until this afternoon when I went in search of something, anything suitable to depict 400 posts.

Today's lesson, then, is: Seek and ye shall find.

300th post (10 MAR 07)

200th post (23 FEB 07)

100th post (03 FEB 07)
share on: facebook

Maude: The Drinking Game

I don't as a rule drink, and anyone who's ever seen me drunk will tell you why. But that's no reason why you boozers out there shouldn't enjoy the hilarious antics of Tuckahoe's pre-eminent liberal loudmouth for yourself.

To that end I have invented Maude: The Drinking Game. The rules are very simple. Whenever Maude threatens someone's heart (I'll cut your heart out Walter!) take a shot of your favourite libation. Whenever she disses a Republican (Do you know what it's like to spend an hour under the hairdryer reading about Henry Kissinger's love life?) take a shot. And whenever she says "God'll get you for that!" chug from the bottle until the laughter stops.

I dare you to walk away from a single episode.
share on: facebook

Shocking Report: Lesbians Play Sports

Penn State women's basketball coach Rene Portland (shown here demonstrating the size of her cojones) has resigned her post amid allegations that she discriminated against lesbians in sports.

Right now I can't think of anything to say about this story that isn't some derivation of "Is she retarded?", so I'd better leave the commentary to the experts.

[AfterEllen]
share on: facebook

Now Showing - "Pretty Brown" by David Campbell

It's always cool when a friend has something for me to feature on here. David is a wonderfully warm and funny poet-songwriter, whom I've had the pleasure to see and hear many times. Whenever I see him he's always so wonderfully supportive of me, so I thought I'd take the opportunity to return the favour.
share on: facebook

What The Hell?

Sorry to get all Kelly on you, but... Rick Mercer's gay!?!

I've been spending so much time in my tinfoil hat behind a Ouija board trying to make Jake Gyllenhaal pounce on Andy Samberg that I somehow missed the coming out of one of Canada's funniest, most influential men.

Plus, he's from Newfoundland, and he's H-O-T-T. (Or is that redundant?)

It's Friday, I'm ten posts away from #400, and now I find out this total hunk of funny likes cock. If this day gets any better I may...

I don't know what I'll do. The last time I had a day this good I was eight. I don't think I can remember that far back.
share on: facebook

Blog Fodder: Comment Te Dire Bonjour

Yesterday, I left a comment on Joe.My.God. in response to a post entitled "The Junior Voguer", of a little kid dancing his heart out. The video had garnered some pretty typically hateful comments on YouTube, which seemed to leave a few of Joe's readers stymied. (What is this 'homo-phobia' of which you speak?) It read, in part:

Welcome to YouTube and the Fred Phelps Nation. Set one foot outside of Chelsea and it's "Welcome to the rest of the world".

My comment received the following response from a fellow reader:

Michael Sean: If that sentence expresses your worldview, I agree it's probably an excellent idea for all concerned that you never step one foot outside of Chelsea.

Interesting.

As usual I blame myself. All I'm trying to do through my work is foster a greater understanding of the world and of my place in it. Obviously, I failed to do that in this case. I visited his blog, and he seems like a pretty nice guy. A bit naive for his age, but if naivete is the greater part of idealism, and he's managed to keep a scrap, I say good for him. I'd had mine beaten out of me by the time I was 10, and, alas, it's a non-renewable resource.

Of course, had he bothered to visit my blog he'd have seen that I've never even set one foot into Chelsea, and that if I tried to go there I'd probably be chased away by a roving band of twinks, simply for being a troll. Still, I'd like to thank him for the opportunity to post something here that isn't about a) foreign royalty, b) hot guys, or c) a bunch of other people I'll never meet.

And Joe, if you ever read this, thanks you for not banning me from your Comments section (at least not yet). You and I don't always see eye-to-eye (I mean, why would we? Why would we want to?) It seems to me that differences of opinion are what make us interesting to each other, and I'm honoured that you allow me to keep throwing in my two cents' worth.

[Instant Update: The original post I wrote just disappeared into cyberspace. This one has been re-created from memory; I haven't had lunch yet, so I wasn't altogether successful. It's just as well, as the original contained intemperance, a quality within myself I am constantly striving to overcome. It was also wordy, which is another burden I must learn to eschew. Plus so many layered references it was like a strudel made by Dennis Miller. It was pretty cool though, I'll have to admit. Whomever is responsible for such things (ie The Internet Fairy) was obviously on my side this afternoon.]
share on: facebook

I (Heart) Lily Tomlin

When I first saw Lily Tomlin in David O. Russell's "Flirting With Disaster" I was blown away that someone would cast her as a burned out old hippie in New Mexico married to Alan Alda and running a meth lab in the basement. I mean, it's so surreal, how could you not love that?

I have yet to see "I (Heart) Hucakabees", but only because it's not ten years old yet. That's about how long it takes me to get around to seeing these things. I think, though, I'll go out on payday and pick it up. If only because news of tension on the set has suddenly exploded all over the Internet, and at YouTube especially, and because I wanted to see it anyway, and now I have a reason. These two scenes are suddenly fraught with subtext, which may be what the director was going for all along.

I've always loved Lily Tomlin, mainly because she seems to be so commonsensical and calm, in a world ruled by temperament. David O. Russell, on the other hand, comes off as an asshat. In the old days, news of tension on this set and that set were transmitted by whispers. So and so knows the cousin of the hairdresser, and told me... Like that. Nowadays, everyone has a Panaflex built into their Blackberry, and as a result we are all of us expected to be ready for our closeup at a moment's notice; except that none of these people is exactly Cecil B. deMille.

I know well the effects of bullying, and they show in Miss Tomlin's behaviour, especially in the scene in the car. A person can only take so much before they lash out, and here Lily has had enough. I won't embed them here, because I don't condone this kind of behaviour (even - or especially - when it's me), but I will link to them, for as long as they're up.

In the first one (and I don't know if this scene came earlier than the other - it's just my guess) Lily is still quite calm. In the second is where she really loses it. I mean, she's lashing out at Dustin Hoffman, which is a bit like kicking a puppy: you don't do it unless you're really pissed off, and maybe not even then.

The comments at YouTube are pretty predictable. "The fucking Jew hag had it coming to her" is typical for the troglodytes who frequent the comments section. Apparently, a grown man shouting "Act like a grownup" while having a temper tantrum is alright, though. Still, I gotta love the 'Tube, and I still (heart) Lily Tomlin.
share on: facebook

MAUDE: The Story Thus Far

Oh my Gawd, how much do I love Maude?

So much, in fact, that I'm rationing it. 2-4 episodes a day is all I'm watching.

Not just because of Bea Arthur either, although she is pretty awesome. Bill Macy, who plays Walter, is a surprisingly nimble actor. He frequently underplays, so it's easy to miss him in the general hullabaloo. Plus, the show isn't called "Walter". But whenever he shouts "Maude!" it's enough to shut even her up.

Conrad Bain, as well. In many ways he's better known for playing Philip Drummond on "Diff-rent Strokes", as an affable, avuncular type. But in "Maude" he's an exquisite Republican foil to the mouthy liberal matron, and when they fight it's classic.

Of course, the appeal of watching Season One of anything is watching the actors inhabit their characters. Maude, though, is pitch perfect from the first minute of the first show.

I used to watch the show all the time, but it's been little seen in syndication lately, so I'd forgotten more than I've remembered. Like all the one-liners; one after another, zing zing zing, each one perfectly delivered.

I just wish there was a commentary track. I'd love to get Bea's impressions on the themes, references, and those eye-popping jaw-dropping early 70s clothes.
share on: facebook

RIP Calvert DeForest

The actor, probably best known as Larry 'Bud' Melman, has uttered his last 'So long suckers!' He died in hospital after a long illness.

[S O U R C E]
share on: facebook

Queen To Visit Jamestown

Buckingham Palace has made it official; Her Majesty The Queen and HRH the Duke of Edinburgh will visit Jamestown, Virginia, as part of that city's 400th anniversary May 3rd and 4th. She also attended the 350th anniversary.

During her week-long visit to the United States the Queen will also attend the Kentucky Derby and visit the White House.

[S O U R C E]
share on: facebook

Happy Birthday Rosie O'Donnell

Rosie, seen here looking slightly at a loss for words now that there's a gag order on her feud with The Donald, turns 45 today.

I've always loved Rosie, and I saw her first on "Star Search". At the time I can remember thinking "Look at the big dyke" and "What a loudmouth". Fortunately, I love loudmouthed dykes and the rest, as they say, is pop culture.

And good on you for coming out (yet again), this time with depression. Mary Poppins she ain't, but given her army of loyal fans (in which I am a Major) and given the help she offers, it'll take more than a philandering plutocrat to Trump this ace.
share on: facebook

Vancouver Police Department In Action...

...in this case, laying the smackdown on an apparently sober firefighter.

I say, kudos to the photographer. I've gotten the evil eye from cops just for taking pictures of grafitti. Anytime a cop comes within twenty paces of me I stop what I'm doing and stare at the sidewalk until they've passed. It seems that any movement enrages them.

[Amazing!]
share on: facebook

Thatcher: The Movie

Yes, that's right. A film is being made about the former Prime Minister and the events surrounding the Falklands War.

No word yet if the film will be made by venerable horror producer Hammer, or if it will star Peter Cushing as the Iron Lady.
share on: facebook