Dear Santa...

I know, I know... It's been 30 years since I wrote to you last, but I don't know who else to turn to.

I'm not going to ask you for things -- I have enough things as it is, and I bought even more today. Nor am I going to ask you for anything impossible, like world peace, or a boyfriend.

All I'd like is that the 12 Tories who voted against re-opening the same-sex marriage debate NOT get those lumps of coal I ordered. Send them instead to the Liberals who voted for it. Oh, and any Bloc Quebecois or NDP who might have as well.

I'd also like you to send panties to Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears. Between them and the President I've seen more Bush than Sasquatch these past few years.

The only thing I really want this year is continued success in my life and career. I want to be a better person and a better friend and a better writer. I know you can't help me with that, I'm just saying is all.

Please give my best to Mrs. Claus, promise you'll honour the elves' collective agreement, and try and ease up on the whip Christmas Eve - for Rudolph's sake. There's no reason his butt has to be as red as his nose.

Unless that's what he's into.

All the best,

michael sean morris