Wherefore Art Thou, Mimi Panzirer?

Well, if Google is any indication (and I think it is), the most popular woman in the country this week is Mimi Panzirer.

I think by now we all know the basic story, but it bears repeating. When her son Jay Panzirer died Leona Helmsley sued her daughter-in-law Mimi for everything that had been his. Ms. Panzirer and her four children, Mrs. Helmsley's grandchildren incidentally, were rendered penniless.

There are no pictures of Mimi Panzirer on the Net, and believe me I've looked. Alas, the libraries in Vancouver are on strike, or I'd be down there now, looking for a photo from an old magazine. I'm beginning to feel like Leonard Nimoy; remember, he used to do that show, "In Search Of"? Well, I'm in search of Mimi Panzirer, except I don't have that groovy Spock voice, so if and when I find her I won't be able to do the narration like him.

Anyway, I'm just putting it out there, but it seems to me that if some news organisation or other wanted to make a ratings smash they should get an interview with Mimi Panzirer toute de suite. The world wants to know, Mrs. Panzirer, what really happened when Leona Helmsley came screeching out of the sky like a vulture with PMS and robbed you of your life.

And if, by some chance, you don't feel like sharing your story with one of the big guns - a Diane Sawyer or a Barbara Walters, say - you can always talk to me, Mimi Panzirer. Likewise, if you need a ghostwriter for your book, I work cheap; I also happen to have a black belt in adjectives. Or, if you prefer, just take a digital camera and take a photo of an existing photo and email it to me. I'd be ever so grateful.

Talk to us Mimi! The world wants to know!