Thursday, September 28, 2006

The Wonderful World of Progress

Now if only I could figure out all of this technology, THAT would be progress.

It all looks so easy and shiny on the home page. Then, after an hour trying to find the most basic settings, I am reminded that things which are easy and shiny are frequently seductive to me. To the point where the fact that I haven't the faintest idea what to do with them once I find them becomes irrelevant. But it is relevant, especially when my mouth is writing cheques all over town and my ass is, well, an ass and not an accountant.

Big changes are coming to the Pandora Institute. As soon as I can find someone who has even the faintest idea how to do them, and also has the patience to explain them to me: a tall order. If I survive the crushing head blows which often accompany me being taught anything, it's gonna be great.

The fact that so many people manage this stuff with style and aplomb ought to encourage me. It ought to, yet oddly doesn't. Instead, it puts me into a tizzy, which in my case is an actual medical condition. Left untreated, I could easily spin out of control. The paramedics will find me at three am, trapped in a corner somewhere, babbling incessantly about Lindsey Lohan. It will not be pretty.

What are the nature of these changes, you ask, he says, abruptly changing the subject. Photos! Links to YouTube! Cash and fabulous prizes*!

(*cash and fabulous prizes not available to citizens of Earth. Offer void where prohibited.)
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