This Post Contains Grossness.
Do Not Read Further.
You Have Been Warned.
Well, I don't know what I did, but today I feel like death. I'd say I was sick as a dog, except that I've never seen a dog as sick as me. Most dogs, when they're sick, mope around a bit, barf a couple of times, and soon they're right back at it humping things, wagging their tails, and generally being adorable.
Well, I don't need to barf, even though the stomach ailment I've come to call Bloatbelly is at it again, and I am keenly watching the toilet bowl for traces of blood, internal organs, or alien fetus - anything that might explain how I could feel like crap when I clearly have none left.
Normally I wouldn't be so blunt, except that I know no one is reading but Mr. Gagne. My regular readership has dwindled from a staggering all-time high of four to just one, which is the only other thing bothering me at the moment. Plagued as I am with self-doubt, I've put all my eggs in one basket self-esteem-wise and again come up empty. I might as well go back to Internet dating and operating the name-calling booth at the local bear bar.
Still, I persist... Why? Why not?
Even though I have next to no readers, I realize that my subject matter is pretty wide-ranging. I do occasionally still get strangers wandering in and reading a page or two, amounting to a few minutes each. I enjoy playing Social Studies by tracking their stats and seeing which posts get the most hits and planning future posts from that. I even enjoyed that time last week when for four days my blog had been flagged as inappropriate (likely due to the presence of a post about Kristen Bjorn, the gay porn king).
I look at it the way those World of Warcraft addicts must view their pastime - as a kind of vast video game. This is World of Blogcraft. I'm always checking out other blogs for ideas, and blogs about blogging for new ways to entice readers, breaking whatever rules I can (like writing posts about blogging, for instance), and otherwise enjoying the therapeutic benefits of confessing my innermost thoughts to the entire world, or at least those four or five a day who might stumble across what I'm doing.
How appropriate, also, that on the day I feel most like Death there are not one, not two, but seven notable historical deaths to choose from to report today, ranging from a Queen consort of England to an American gangster, a World War II traitor to a famed astronomer, a suave leading man and two civil rights pioneers. Among the birthdays there are an actor, a fashion designer, and a famed G-man.
All in all, just another day as usual here at the Pop Culture Institute.
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