Friday, July 04, 2008

Happy Birthday America!

America's foremost perennial bigot - at least since the death of his girlfriend Jerry Falwell last year - Jesse Helms has died at the age of 86; although, given the political views and voting record of this dinosaur his wasn't so much a death as an extinction.

PhotobucketAs we speak, event planners in Hell are planning the biggest event in the history of Hell, namely this creep's homecoming. Needless to say, it's all going smoothly, as there are almost as many event planners in Hell as there are lawyers. If you don't believe me you can ask any cater waiter to confirm this very fact.

It surprised me to learn (in the course of my research for this piece) that Helms was born in 1921, at the height of what is now called the Progressive Era; I only found it surprising because many of his ideas were born in 1821, in what we at the Pop Culture Institute like to refer to as "the bad old days".

Anyways, here's hoping that karma is not only a bitch but on a heavy period during a chocolate shortage today.
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Seumas Gagne said...

Although speaking ill of the dead is widely considered to be in bad taste, I am content to say that this man's demise does not sadden me in the slightest. May the Gods show him the full extent of his effect on the people of the Earth. That is punishment enough. So say we all.

michael sean morris said...

Fortunately I am far from the quality person you are, Mr. Gagne. I wished for him to die, and now that he's dead I can't stop celebrating. If I thought I could get away with it, I'd take a shit on his grave.

I have no doubt he felt the same about me, so it's only fair.

I prefer to reserve my compassion for the people who've earned it.