Tuesday, July 06, 2010

It's My Birthday Today... Who Am I?

  • Every company I ever ran went bankrupt, including the United States, which racked up a trillion dollar debt on my watch despite having a massive budget surplus when I was elected.
  • I wanted to be commissioner of baseball, but my mother told me I should run for Governor of Texas instead so I did, because I always do what my mommy tells me.
  • I executed more teenagers, retards, and women than any other governor in the history of my state.
  • I let my campaign tell outrageous lies about my nearest opponent so I could win the pivotal South Carolina primary.
  • I let my cronies steal the election for me because I knew my opponents would play fair.
  • I never left the United States until after I was 'elected'.
  • I sat on my ass reading a children's book when my country was under attack because that's what I was told to do.
  • I was the first President to come to office with a criminal record.
  • I declared war on a sovereign nation based on a lie so that the Pentagon could burn off its surplus of five year old ordnance.
  • I staunchly defend the criminals I choose to serve under me.
  • I took more vacations than the past three presidents combined, one of whom is my Poppy.
Can you guess whose birthday it is today, boys and girls?
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Anonymous said...

Hmmm. I wonder.

michael sean morris said...

Was I too subtle? I know I have that problem.

Seumas Gagne said...

A year later and he's still a creep and still in office. What a pile of Yuk.

michael sean morris said...

Thank goodness I never have to run this again...