Monday, June 25, 2007

Seatt-Elation

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I doubt I'm the first person to ever document the condition which I've just named.

Symptoms include: light-headedness, the inability to stop smiling, and a keen desire to return later, to do and see more.

Of all the places I went, and things I saw, though, the best part of the weekend was spending quality time with friends laughing and eating and just generally having fun.

No Seattle, you have definitely not seen the last of me.

Not by a long shot.
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Sunday, June 24, 2007

Seattle Sojourn Sunday: How To Get High in Seattle

After what was a pretty low-key Pride Day all told, our little group was looking for a place that would pick up more than our spirits. Mr. Gagne, Mr. Davey and I met up with Mr. Barr, who'd made a special trip down for our friend's birthday party that evening, and that picked up our spirits some more, but being the reckless thrill-seekers we are, we wanted more.

Where, we wondered, could you go in Seattle to get really high?

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The Space Needle of course! Why? What did you think I meant?

41 seconds it takes, from the ground to the deck. 41 exhilarating, butt-clenching, ultimately elevating seconds.

While up there I got to revisit all my favourite old haunts from Saturday, but was given an entirely new perspective on them. Let me tell you, 600 feet in the air is a whole new perspective indeed.

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Plus, for people who don't like the Space Needle - aka jerks - it's one of the few places in the city where you can't see it.

So we wandered around up there for awhile, until the enjoyable air conditioning got to be more oppressive than the humidity we'd left on the ground. I was given the rare opportunity to pay $1.37 for a small apple, which is the sort of thrill I can readily do without.

Then it was 41 seconds back to the ground, and off on our next adventure...
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Seattle Sojourn Sunday: Pride Is...

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Pride is queens, whether coy

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Or brash

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Pride is camping it up

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Or cute guys mellowing out

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Pride is costumes, whether well-felt cocks

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Or canine couture

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Pride is cutting-edge cute

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Pride is community

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Pride is corporate

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Pride is cute guys of all kinds

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Pride is campaigning

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Pride is caring

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Pride is commitment
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Saturday, June 23, 2007

Seattle Sojourn Saturday (Part Two): At The Zoo

I realise that the issue of keeping animals in captivity is a contentious and emotional one. Once, at an election time meeting of Vancouverite lefties, the Vancouver Aquarium t-shirt I was wearing made a woman cry.

Now, I'm not entirely insensitive, but some people need to get a grip and realise that not everyone is always going to agree with them. Especially radical lefties who favour the overthrow of everything just for the Hell of it. You know who you are.

Are zoos ideal? No. But there's only so much a person can learn from
National Geographic and the Discovery Channel. At some point it helps to get face time with an actual animal. I can credit the time I spent at zoos as a child with my current interest in ecology and habitat preservation.

At least at a zoo the animals aren't being chased across the savannah by a Range Rover full of tourists, and until the mindset that allows poaching to continue can be overcome, all the habitat in the world isn't going to save some species from extinction.


* * *


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With that in mind, I found the Woodland Park Zoo's enclosures rather humane, especially given what they were like just thirty years ago. Compared with some of the apartments I've lived in, they're downright palatial. They're large enough, in fact, that if the animals aren't feeling particularly social they can go off and hide.

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Such was the case with the gorillas, most of whom stayed out of view. This female, however, was up for a bit of tree climbing followed by a light snack. For an encore she turned her back to the humans watching her, pinched a loaf, picked it out of her ass, and made a tidy little present on a nearby log. All the children watching (and I) found this hilarious in the extreme.

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Leaving the gorilla enclosure it was onto the ever-popular penguins, who are as entertaining as any animals I've ever seen.

This particular group were all clustered at one end of their pool, looking like they were about to dive in. When an audible murmur arose amongst the gathered crowd they withdrew, and waddled over to the other side of their pool. The crowd dutifully followed, and again they poised themselves to dive, the faint sound of whoo arose from the humans...

And again the penguins balked!

For all I know, they could have done that all afternoon. I swear I saw a couple of them laughing, except that would be anthropomorphism, and that's wrong. Unless, that is, it's in a movie or a book or... Well, any pop culture really. In which case it's often hilariously right.

A n y w a y ...

For some reason, not a few of the animals were being shy. It may be that, like me, they prefer to snooze in the middle of the afternoon. It may have been the chilly wind blowing, or it could have been the scores of ill-behaved and shrieking children running about not being parented by the stroller jockeys they came with. Who can say?

All this means, for my purposes, is that those animals who chose to make an appearance today get to be stars, while the rest get to keep going on auditions and waiting to hear from their agents.

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This zebra, for instance, posed beautifully for me, unlike the pen full of antelope who scampered around her as though spooked by the sight of each other's scampering.

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Entering one of the bird enclosures, I found this beauty sitting on a branch not an arm's length from me, utterly unafraid despite the nearby flitting of weaver-birds who, contrary to their name, were not weaving but pecking at each other and swatting anything that moved with their wings.

Nothing they did, however, frightened off my little friend.

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Rounding another corner Mr. Gagne and I came upon the most ferocious of the African mega-fauna - the hippopotamus. Three of them, in fact, just a laying there, acting like it was an inconvenience to flutter their ears at flies. I guess nobody thought to tell the ducks floating past them what danger they were in.

I'm ashamed to admit, I was rooting for one of the hippos to yawn and swallow a duck, if for no other reason than it would have given me a blog post.

Cruel, maybe. Selfish, obviously. Hilarious, definitely.

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I warned Mr. Gagne that, once we made it to the giraffes, the rest of the afternoon was going to be all downhill. While not entirely true, they are my favourite animal after Colin Farrell, and just a few minutes in the presence of one brought the day's excitement to a gentle close.

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In addition to providing a home for numerous foreign species, the Woodland Park Zoo is also home to many crows and other birds and what can only be described as a bevy of squirrels. Under normal circumstances, I understand a squirrel does not belong in a post about zoo animals, especially when said squirrels are utterly tame and inured to living off human leavings.

This one, in particular, went in and out of garbage cans like he was on some kind of pub crawl.

Besides which, I will take any opportunity to publish a picture of a squirrel. So there.

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So that was the Woodland Park Zoo. An amiable and leafy place to spend an afternoon to be sure, but I looked at it as a training ground. Tomorrow I will be encountering animals more fierce than any I saw today...

Tomorrow it's Gay Pride Day. Yikes!
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Fatwa II: The Reckoning

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketSir Salman Rushdie, recently knighted by the Queen, is once again in hot water.

A group of Muslim "scholars" in Pakistan have offered an 11.5 million bounty on his head. Not only that, his Wikipedia account has once again been locked, due to vandalism.

I cannot condemn this dismaying turn of events in strong enough words, for all the good it'll do. It's not like these imams will rescind their offer because it's met with the disapproval of the Pop Culture Institute.

Murder is still murder, and I doubt it's condoned by any holy book anywhere.

[S O U R C E]
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Seattle Sojourn Saturday (Part One)

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At last I have my very own photo of the Seattle skyline! Hopefully this soon-to-be iconic image will be adorning a great many of my posts, because I do love Seattle. Oh, I love it alot. I love it so much I may, in fact, start singing.

The day began late, due to a particularly virulent summer cold I seem to have picked up from someone (cough, cough, Doug, cough) but that was okay. After all, this is supposed to be a vacation. It simply won't do to be dashing about like I do at home. Yeah, right... The only time I ever dash in Vancouver it's to avoid being squashed by some coked-up Yuppie in a Range Rover.

Nevertheless, despite the late start it was a full day indeed. In fact, the only reason such a late start was even possible was because of the knowledge and efficiency of my guide, Mr. Gagne, whose name my readers will recognise from his numerous useful and insightful comments.

After a tasty and nutritious brunch, we set out. The day's sight-seeing started at the Admiral Way lookout, for a western vista of the city.

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This will now serve as my Seattle banner, as it covers the entire area from the Space Needle on the left to the Smith Tower on the right. It has everything great about Seattle in it except Mount Rainier and Kathi Goertzen1.

We continued on to the charming neighbourhood of Alki, which resembles a fishing village built by hippies which is rapidly gentrifying. I decided that Alki is my favourite neighbourhood in the city. It's also famously the Birthplace of Seattle, as proclaimed on the monument at Alki Beach.

I was probably most fascinated by this monument because embedded in it is a piece of Plymouth Rock. I got to touch it and everything. For a history buff such as myself, this was almost erotic. Either that or I really need to get laid.

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After Alki, my guide and I made our way back through downtown and then to Queen Anne Hill, where the top photo was taken. This neighbourhood has long fascinated me, and not just for its name. The hillside is chock-a-block with gorgeous houses of every style - French, Italianate, West Coast. I decided that Queen Anne is my favourite neighbourhood in the city.

By this time it'd been nearly sixteen hours since I'd spent any money, so I was beginning to get a little antsy. Mr. Gagne pointed the trusty Iseabail2 down the hill to the north of Queen Anne in the direction of Fremont.

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By the time we arrived in Fremont my head was ready to explode. As charming as Alki and as posh as Queen Anne are, I decided that Fremont is my favourite neighbourhood in the city, since it is all this and more.

Here we stopped for a little light lunch, at a lovely Thai place called Tawan Thai. Mr. Gagne had a chicken satay with Pad Thai and I had my usual green curry chicken with a coconut smoothie, which was so good, I've already made plans to be buried in the stuff.

After lunch I bought North River, the new novel by Pete Hamill, and finally found a copy of Midnight's Children by Sir Salman Rushdie. My consumerism having been temporarily sated the rest of the day was like a walk in the park.

Which, in fact, it was. As amazing as the day had been thus far, it turns out the day's piece de resistance was yet to come, a stroll through the Woodland Park Zoo...

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* * *


1. Local TV personality, widely reputed to be an angel in human form.
2. Pronounced "ISH-bell".
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Seattle Sojourn: It Begins

Now that I've taken the train, I will be hard pressed to ever squeeze myself into another bus.

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Having rectified the problems it once had in the 90s (namely, keeping its trains on the tracks) Amtrak is once-again poised to become the only way to travel. In fact, I may become a regular visitor to Seattle. That's how convenient, affordable, and glamourous my trip was.

Plus, the train was chock-a-block full of Vancouver homos, and not one of them threw anything at me. Progress!
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Friday, June 22, 2007

Xtra West Is At It Again

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In the couple of years or so since my arch-enemy Gareth Kirkby was demoted from the editor of Xtra West to the backwater publication Capital Xtra, I have watched a series of subtle changes unfolding at Xtra West with a wary eye.

For instance, occasionally now there'll be a woman on the cover. A couple of times the guys on the cover have been over the age of 25, and some of those even kept their shirts on. Despite this, they still seem to be in business, in defiance of the usual gay publishing credo that states "twinks rule all and no one else deserves to live".

Story ideas that I first pitched to Gareth Kirkby over five years ago are beginning to turn up in the pages of the paper, which is another good sign. Would I have liked to be the one who wrote them, five years ago? Of course. I was never twink enough to work for Gareth Kirkby, though, which made that an impossibility.

Still, the issues of meth abuse, life outside the ghetto, and celibacy are important ones, so ultimately I don't care who brings them to the public debate, as long as they are brought. Especially after having been suppressed for years by Kirkby as "too depressing".

Don't get me wrong: despite these cosmetic changes the paper still doesn't depict me or my life in its pages. It's a gossip rag for the gay ghetto, and the rest be damned. Yet in this they are at least remarkably consistent. It's this consistency, however, that has robbed me of the opportunity to be offended by them, which I used to rather enjoy.

Until, that is, the current issue, the cover of which is shown above.

I can't say what, specifically, it is about this cover that makes me angrier. Possibly it's the implication that this is now what gay poets are supposed to look like. No matter the heart and mind, which are the two component parts of a poet. The message is clear: if I want to be a poet, and gay, I have to look like this. No more heart and mind, it's all abs and arms now, like everything else in the life.

Used to be it didn't matter what you looked like to be a writer, which is part of the reason I became a writer in the first place. That and the solitude. Since looking the way I do requires a great deal of solitude, it seemed a perfect fit, and it beats the hell out of living under a bridge and pestering goats.

Now, thanks to these fucking twink-mongers, even that option is under threat.

I'd better sign off there; I have to go laugh now or I may start to cry.
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Seattle Pride Rocked By Horny Foreigner

Yes, you have read that correctly.

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I'm off today to test a theory I have that gay guys are friendlier anywhere in the world than they are in Vancouver. First stop: Seattle.

Due to some massive oversight on the part of my company, I was actually given nearly a week off, so I've used it wisely. The last couple of days I scheduled a) a depressive episode (see In Search Of... Pride), b) a cold, and c) a huge boil-like zit on the side of my nose.

All have now passed, and it remains for me to pack my meagre possessions into my trusty knapsack and make my way south for the festivities.

I've been feverishly planning ahead, so there will be blog entries for you to enjoy all weekend long, and who knows what kind of surprises. Stay tuned...
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Thursday, June 21, 2007

The Newest Member of the Family

My last iPod was a 1 GB first-generation iPod Shuffle, which was a gift from my most generous benefactor.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketI named it Soundtrackr, and for the first year and a half it was in service it performed a yeoman duty, making bus rides bearable and even the longest walk seem like a stroll around the block.

Alas, its headphones went, following which so did its headphone jack. Nowadays, Soundtrackr sleeps with the fishes.

Enter L'il Freek, the second-generation I GB iPod Shuffle which just this morning followed me home from Best Buy. Isn't it cute?

Shh... It's in its cradle now. We don't want to wake it.
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Rebuttal: In Search Of... Pride

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Honestly... Sometimes I just blog without thinking.

If I told you I felt better having made the post, would that help explain it away? How about if I said that less than twelve hours after I'd posted it I reread it and discovered it rife with disordered thinking? I may be a head case, but I'm a pretty self-aware head case.

Yeah. The only good thing is, seeing my disordered thinking written down like that seems to be the only way to put it back into the correct order.

Thanks to my regular readers for not taking the bait and commenting on it, and may I apologise specifically to Mr. Gagne and Mr. Davey for any damage I may have caused to those tiny tendons that make the eyes roll.
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Wednesday, June 20, 2007

It's Coming... The Odd Ball!

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You'll be hearing quite alot about this event in the coming weeks, mainly because I plan to attend.

Given how out of the loop I am, I always seem to keep missing their events, but I'm absolutely determined not to miss it this year. From what I've been able to determine, it's a queer event that's for the rest of us who aren't circuit-party queens. Aside from the fact that it seems to have earned the endorsement of my old nemesis Xtra West it does look promising.

Click on the above poster for a link to the Odd Ball's own blog.
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In Search Of... Pride

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The past five years have been especially trying ones for me.

The end of my last relationship was particularly horrific; even though it has helped me to come to terms with the most major of my issues, with each passing day the last relationship I had feels more and more like the last relationship I'll ever get.

Being single for the rest of my life - while not ideal - wouldn't be so bad, but it's not like I'm even dating or anything like that. Aside from a couple of sloppy kisses from a drunk guy 14 months ago and maybe half a dozen compliments a year (usually from people in faraway places via email), I remain an uber-affectionate guy with no effective means of expressing it.

The thought of having to spend the next forty years of my life like this is almost more than I can deal with.

No matter how specious my reasoning, I have come to blame this situation on the gay men of Vancouver, who have only broken their pact to ignore me recently to insult me. In the non-gay world, there are very few gay men; Vancouver's gays are heavily ghetto-ised, and the ones who aren't are so thoroughly married and assimilated they might as well be straight.

As usual, I'm willing to accept my share of this dire turn of events. Mr. Barr has referred to it as my "roosting", and I plead guilty. It's almost more than I can take to spend all that time to get ready to go out to be referred to as "Fatso" or "Grandpa" even before I've had a chance to introduce myself.

When guys who are older and heavier than I am talk to me like that, I honestly don't know what to do. Laughing won't help, since laughter only enrages bullies. Getting mad is never a solution, and trying to defend myself (no matter what it might do for my self-esteem) will always fall on deaf ears.

As such, it's increasingly difficult for me to feel that upwelling sense of Pride that I know I'm supposed to feel since, for all intents and purposes, I have been rejected in all corners of the gay community. I've had a dozen attempts at volunteering with gay organizations rebuffed, I get insulted whenever I try to enter gay clubs (usually by the doormen), and I won't even go into my experiences with the personals (since the scars have only just healed).

All those things the gay community is supposed to provide it has denied to me. Since there's nowhere else to go for validation as a gay man, I must look within, and that well is pretty dry. Validation as a person is remarkably simple to achieve; I am surrounded by reminders of the skills and abilities I possess.

Gay-wise, though, I feel worthless: old, fat, and ugly. I know my regular readers don't like me to talk that way, but not talking about it doesn't make such feelings go away, it only makes me more ashamed of myself. Not to mention that, even if self-loathing is untrue, it feels as real as fists.

My forthcoming trip to Seattle is, in part, about my quest for that lost sense of pride. I am unable to cast aside my community simply because they've done it to me, so it's time to go looking for it. I had it once and I will have it again, even if it means doing a thousand crunches a day just so someone will notice me.

I feel this blog does its bit, and so ultimately this blog may be the vehicle that brings me back my pride.

I can only hope.
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Bloomberg Quits GOP

Things are looking worse and worse for the Republican Party. Hee hee hee...

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketToday their best bet for the White House in 2008 quit the party. Michael Bloomberg, the mayor of New York, will continue to serve as an independent; his actions have further fuelled speculation about a possible Presidential bid.

Recently, Bloomberg has been highly critical of DC's political culture.

"We have achieved real progress by overcoming the partisanship that too often puts narrow interests above the common good," he has said. "Any successful elected executive knows that real results are more important than partisan battles and that good ideas should take precedence over rigid adherence to any particular ideology. Working together, there's no limit to what we can do."

I dunno. You're sounding pretty Presidential there, Mike...
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Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Saying Goodbye To Sammy

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It's alright. Sammy's not dead or anything. It's just that my company has moved me from the site I've been at for the last three or four months, so yesterday (my last day) I went around and said good-bye to all the places and creatures on the site that made working there bearable.

Sammy was my favourite of them all. I met her the first day I worked there, and in those days she wouldn't come anywhere near me. It took several weeks of my most wheedling cat voice to get Sammy (who you probably can't tell is a Siamese) to warm up to me at all. In the past two months, though, she agreed to let me pet her and even let me pick her up a few times. Despite her willingness to pose for a few photos, I was unable to capture the blue of her eyes until yesterday.

Naturally, I will miss this cat more than the dozen people I had regular contact with on that site, probably because she let me pick her up and pet her. More likely, it's because I am a misanthrope. To be fair though, there were a few hot men working on that site, and if any of them had let me pick them up and pet them I'd be missing them too right about now.
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My Current Wallpaper: "Dirty Beauty"

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I will give away, absolutely free, this lovely image to anyone who emails me. In its full-sized incarnation it's 2.5 MB, making it ideal for your newfangled hi-res LCD screens.
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A Garfield Milestone



Hard to believe, but the cartoon strip Garfield was first published on June 19th, 1978.
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Monday, June 18, 2007

Visit Langston Hughes' Apartment

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketFrom Gothamist comes word that an apartment long-occupied by Langston Hughes has now been turned into a museum. Hughes lived in the apartment from the late Forties until his death in 1967, at the age of 65.

The writer was a major figure in the Harlem Renaissance, and throughout his life used his art to agitate in favour of greater civil rights, not just for blacks but for gays as well.

In life he was known as "the Poet Laureate of Harlem".
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In Memoriam: Grand Duchess Anastasia

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketWhether she died in Ekaterinburg on July 17, 1918, or many decades later, was for years such a mystery that it generated a whole bevy of films, books, and many many column inches. As many as ten women claimed to be the Grand Duchess in the years after the death of the Romanovs, the most famous of whom was Anna Anderson.

Despite the discovery of the Imperial family's mass grave in the early 80s, and its exhumation in 1991, the matter has yet to be sufficiently settled.
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RIP Gianfranco Ferre

Italian fashion designer Gianfranco Ferre has died of a cerebral hemorrhage. He was 62.

His emergence on Italy's fashion scene coincided with Giorgio Armani and Gianni Versace in the late 70s, which itself coincided with the rise of star designers Yves Saint Laurent, Emmanuel Ungaro and Pierre Cardin in France.

Ferre trained as an architect, which fashionistas love to say is what gave his clothes such impeccable "structure". God help us all (and especially the Duchess of Cornwall) if Frank Gehry decides he'd rather be a milliner.

[S O U R C E]
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